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2007-09-07

To Drink 

The next day life started early again in the hospital. 5:30 AM: Check on my drains and urine. I did not drink enough: The urine is dark-colored. Bloed pressure and temperature were OK.

I did not feel good. Couldn't sit nor lie, every change in sitting position hurt me. As long as I stayed motionless I felt sort-of OK. At 7:30 a new cornucopia of pills was brought. OK, OK, I take them...

Later in the morning the doctor came to have a look at me. He was very satisfied with the result. Personally I was not so enthusiastic: the operation area was all swollen and purple, but apparently it was supposed to look like that.

The days were long and boring. I could not do anything, could not get out of bed, could not eat. I did have to drink, but it was even difficult to attract the attention of the nurses to have my glass of water filled. Really I am not too lazy to fill my own glass, I just could not do it myself! Finally the nurse promised me the caterer would bring me a large can of water. But when the caterer finally arrived, she was without water!

This made me upset, but I still tried to make a joke of it: "There is no water? Why? Is the kitchen closed?" But that joke did not work very well. Now the catering lady was angry and insulted.

Well, I decided to handle the situation myself. I called Julia and asked her to go buy some mineral water in the shop and bring it on the next visiting hour. I can't help I have to say they are not taking good care of the patients here if you even have to import your own water! When it comes to sending bills they act a lot more quickly...


2007-09-06

Operation 

They like to start the day early in the hospital. At 6 AM I had to go take a shower and put on my operation jacket. I knew this would be my last shower in a long time, so I washed myself very thoroughly. And some body parts I washed for the last time...

Then I went back to my bed and let it all come over me. As soon as the infusion needle was in my arm, it was already over and I found myself coming round in the recovery room. I felt very cold. I could not feel the arm with the needle in it. I was only vaguely aware of my surroundings, even of myself. I heard something had gone wrong, I had had an unusual bleeding, but I could not really understand.

When I was finally brought back to the ward, it was several hours later than scheduled. On my bedside table was a present for me, but I did not have the strength to pick it up. Intoxicated by yet another shot of morfine I was soon back in dreamland.

When I woke up again, Julia was standing next to my bed. She had been quite worried when the operation took so long and she did not hear any news about me. She handed me the present and I did manage to unpack it. You can see what was in it in the picture. There is hardly a more suitable present for this occasion: Yes indeed, it's a girl!


2007-09-05

Hospitalized 

Today is the day: Check-in at the VU hospital in Amsterdam for the big operation!

Yesterday we packed everything we would be needing... Or so we thought! We were a few blocks away from my house when I remembered I forgot my insurance papers. Back! As I got into the house to get them, Julia lit a cigaret. She did not want to smoke in front of me, because I am not allowed to smoke! The sweetheart! There is no need for that, she can smoke as much as she likes...

Without too many (traffic jam) problems we reached Amsterdam. We first checked in Julia in the guest hostel of the hospital. Family members of the patients can stay there at a very reasonable price and be close to their loved ones all the time. We got a warm welcome with a cup of coffee, which I had to decline, because I am not sure whether I am allowed to drink at all on the day before the operation...

It turns out we can see the wing of the hospital building where I will be staying from Julia's window. And we soon find out I can also see her room from the ward; well, not from my bed, only when I stand in front of the window.

As I was hoping and expecting my room mate is here for same reason as I am: she had the very same operation I am waiting for on Sunday. She is a Française, une Parisienne even, but she is married to a Dutch man. Just like me she has an education in exact sciences, but a lot of interest in languages. She works as a translator, translating Russian texts into French. She speaks very good Dutch, but we can also nicely chat in French. (This will be our secret language the nurses don't understand. )

Tomorrow at 8 AM I will be in the operating room...

Labels:



2007-08-28

Pre-operative screening 

I know I have not been writing for ages. I have gone trough a very difficult period. The long wait for my operation was wearing me out. And the situation at work has not been very good either. Nobody has problems with my female appearance there, that part is going very well. But I got the feeling I got crammed between an impossible assignment and an unreasonable manager. These things can happen to all of us, especially when other things are drawing heavily on our energy.

I have stopped things I used to do, including blogging, due to lack of energy and inspiration. Nothing worth blogging really happened any more. But now it is time for an emergency update: I will get my operation next week! If that is not worth blogging, nothing is. Today I was at the hospital for pre-operative screening and on September 6th. I will get my operation.

One would say I have had plenty of time to prepare for this. I have had at least 3x the Real Life Test as demanded by the Standards Of Care. But now that it is suddenly going to happen I was started. All the questions that have been answered years ago were popping up again. I think my RLT has been much too long. It has taken too much of my energy and it has made me forget the answers to those questions. So I was in serious doubt whether I wanted the SRS at all.

But I must be strong now. I have to take this step now that it is finally possible. The uncertainty has been blocking my life for too long. And also the lives of people in my environment. So it must be yes or no now. Not maybe, not later.

So yes, let the countdown begin... or resume! Just a few days to go...


2007-02-15

More voice feedback 

I was ten minutes late for my visit with the skin therapist today, because all the way from my home to her was one long traffic jam. The bus drivers are on strike and the road was also under reconstruction.
Eefje had only time to work on one side of my face, so maybe I will now be able to detect her progress by conparing the right side to the left. (Normally she always works on both sides in symmetry.)

I have asked her for an opinion on my voice: "Well, my own voice is also quite low-pitched, but you do use your voice in a feminine way. You speak in a soft tone; nothing like the harsh male sound."

Hmmm, low-pitched, but not unfeminine...


2006-10-22

Trousers 

Julia suggested me to put on a pair of trousers today to go to work. Normally I never do that, but a woman should be able to wear pants, right? Women have been struggling for the right to do that for many years. Well, that may be true, but it does ot feel right for me. I have been struggling for years for the right to wear a skirt!

But still this was an interesting experiment: Would it influence the degree to which people accept me as a woman? I didn't notice any difference in people's reactions today. The only one who seemed to notice it at all was my female colleague J.: "I have never seen you wearing trousers before." She is right, it was the first time.

Remarkable that only a woman notices things like this! Or do the men only see it and not show any reaction?


2006-10-19

Jubilee 

My former colleague W. celebrated 25 years of working for the Philips company and Julia and I were invited for the reception on the Philips premises. It took me a bit of getting used to to be there once again!
Of course I met a lot of former colleagues, including the project leader who made my final years there into a living hell. (W. says he had not even been invited, he simply was so rude to show up uninvited.)

Apart from that unpleasant encounter it was a real nice get-together. The speeches for jubilees are often very long-winded and dull, but that was not the case here. W. is a colorful figure and there was enough material for many amusing anecdotes.

After the reception Julia and I invited W. to have dinner with us at our favorite restaurant Sunny Side Up. This way we did have time to chat together privately without all the guests on the reception.
W. is one of the people I was going to ask for feedback on my voice. His reaction: "A while ago I could clearly hear you were trying to sound differently. That sounded very unnatural. That is gone now. It sounds like you are just back to your old voice."


2006-10-18

Speech therapy or operation? 

My speech therapist has sent me information about the latest method of changing your voice through an operation. It is no longer necessary to cut in the vocal chords, because you voice can be tuned like a guitar by changing the orientation of two tiny bones in your throat.

Today we have discussed this possibility. It is important to take a decision about this soon, because it will have a mayor impact on the speech therapy. If I decide not to have this operation, I will have to work very hard on reaching the right pitch with the voice I have.

We have decided I will ask a number of people for feedback about my voice in pitch and modulation (articulation, melody etcetera).


2006-10-17

Student 

Today's visit to the skin therapist was a bit of a mess. Eefje had asked me if I would mind if a student would be present on this appointment. Well, I didn't see any problem in that of course.

But who called me into the therapy room? The student! But told me to lay down on the table? The student! Who grabbed hold of a hair with a pair of pincers, inserted a needle into the follicle and switched on the current? The student!

She did it rather well actually, but it was more painful than when Eefje does it herself. And yet she did use the same strength of current: 4,3 mA. But she put the needle more deeply and firmly into the follicle and she pulled harder on the hair that had to come out. She also seemed to have a less systematic approach: She tried removing hairs on many different spots on my face, maybe hoping that she would find a place where it was easier to do. That was to no avail of course, because all my hairs are very stubborn. In trying different places, she also came to spots where I had not applied the Emla-cream in advance. Ouch!


2006-10-12

60 hairs less 

Electrolysis again. I'd better get used to it, because this will be a weekly chore for me for a year, maybe longer. But how much progress do we make each time? I have tried to count the hairs that were removed today. It must have been about 60.
Some of these stupid hairs simply refuse to come lose! On average the treatment of each hair takes about 30 seconds, but some of then take a lot longer.
We have only done grey hairs this time and left the black ones unharmed. We want to try to expose those to some laser light again first.

It turns out some of the grey hairs have a black root. So maybe that effect was not caused by Lipoxôme after all?


2006-10-08

The little giantess and the Elephant 

The French theatre group Royal de Luxe visited Calais on September 28th, 29th, 30th and October 1st with their show "The visit of the Sultan of the Indiens on his elephant that can travel trough time".
My friend A. had taken more than 100 pictures of their performance in Calais and she also told me the story behind the pictures! What a remarkable performance! Of course she is not the only one who was impressed, so I managed to find lots of pictures of this event on the Internet for you.





There is a Creative Commons license attached to these images.
Photos: harry harris

The giantess and the elephant are gigantic marionettes. The giant girl is nearly 20 feet tall and the elephant is about 36 feet high. The girl arrives in the city with a spaceship and after that she can be seen, together with the elephant on several locations in the city. Her greatest hobby is sewing, so one morning the people in the city are astounded by the fact that she has sewn a row of cars to the pavement with a gigantic needle.
She loves the kids in the city and allows them to swing on her forearms.
you need to watch out for the elephant, he likes to tease the people. He takes a great pleasure in soaking them by spraying water from his trunk.

If you have fallen in love with the little girl yet, have a look at these movie clips:

A nice compilation of the performance in London:
http://www.freephotosandvideos.com/movies/little_girl_giant.php
So sweet! Children swinging on the arms of the giantess in London.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OE1ebb6wsr0&mode=related&search=
Close-up of the elephant in London:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSwIFNJpxZQ
Start of the performance in Antwerp: The little giantess is coming out of her spaceship that has crashed on the Italiëlei and she begins to play.
The elephant starts one of his walks trough the city...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01YDG8hD-Ac&mode=related&search=
The elephant in action in Antwerp. Nobody is safe for the water he is spraying...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR6sgMzDFQs&mode=related&search=
The little giantess is seated on the elephant's trunk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQumAZ8UHPI&mode=related&search=
The end of the show. The giantess gets back into her spaceship and disappears into the space-time continuum. The elephant is looking forward to the time they will meet again in another city.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tLJSOirOsc&NR


2006-10-07

Presentation about laser hair removal 

Today my skin therapist, Eefje Wouters, visited our monthly T&T-evening. Julia and I arranged this contact, because we thought many visitors at the T&T-evening might be interested in laser hair removal. Fortunately we were right: There were about thirty people who came into the room to see her presentation. Eefje had brought a very nice PowerPoint presentation showing how hairs grow and what can be done against that with laser light.
After the presentation she answered questions from the audience and there were lots of questions indeed. Obviously many people want to get rid of that dreadful beard and are prepared to do a lot to get it done. But they would like to know for certain: What is the price, how long will it take and what results can I expect? These are questions that have to be answered differently for each individual.
Generally speaking laser hair removal works best if you have a light complexion and dark hairs. If your hairs are blond there is little chance they can be removed by laser. In that case electrolysis is the way to go. Eefje does that as well by the way, on me for instance.

My friend A. was also present again. And she had brought something interesting this time, like she often does: More than 100 pictures of a street theatre performance in Calais. I will go into that tomorrow in a separate entry.

Previous T&T-evenings: September, August, July, June, May, April, March, February, January, December, November, October, September, July 2005, June 2005, May 2005, April 2005, March 2005, February 2005, January 2005, December 2004, November 2004, October 2004, September 2004, August 2004, July 2004, June 2004, May 2004 and April 2004.


2006-10-04

Electrolysis 

Today it was time for my first electrolysis session: Removing facial hair with the aid of electric current. This is said to be an extremely painful procedure and although I know I can handle some pain I have to admit I was quite nervous again.
They take one hair at a time in a pair of tweezers and pull it to the side a bit. Then a needle is inserted into the follicle and an electric current is sent through the needle to kill off the follicle forever.

Fortunately I completely trust my skin therapist Eefje, so I submitted myself to her treatment without hesitation. She gave me a little metal rod to hold in my hand. "That is for leading the current back to the machine", she said. Of course I know that an electrical circuit always has be a closed loop for a current to be able to flow, but I thought the current found its way back to the machine through the hair and the tweezers. Not.

Well, this treatment certainly is not a pleasure! I do use Emla cream for this to sedate my skin, but still it hurts just as much as simply pulling the hairs out of your face with a pair of tweezers. Only in this case the pain lasts longer, because it takes some time before the hair will come loose. Particularly in my case, because my hairs are very stubborn.

I will have to come back for a treatment like this every week from now on. It is no exception for this treatment to take a year for covering your whole face. Another nasty detail is I am not allowed to shave a few days before the treatment, because the hairs have to be long enough to be able to grab them. If I haven't shaved for a few days I feel just like a porcupine! Fortunately the hairs are white and not very noticeable to others.


2006-10-01

Final Column 

Tonight my forty-ninth column was broadcast in Gendertalk #578.

Unfortunately this will be my final column for now. The Gendertalk staff have decided they need to stop broadcasting at least for the winter season. What will happen after that remains to be seen.

The final episode of Gendertalk is a sad occasion of course, but it has turned out to be a very good program to listen to, with lots of old friends passing by. Besides my column I can also be heard in a conversation on the phone with Nancy, Gordene and Hal, discussing the future of Gendertalk and of my columns.
You can find the complete program in the Gendertalk archive.
Or you can find just my column at:
http://eveliensnel.com/audio/GOODB01.mp3
A full transcript of the text is below:


Goodbye



It is about two years ago I started making these columns for you.
Looking back I got about four times as much as I bargained for:
I was planning on making 12 columns, but I have done 48 so far.

I was very sorry to hear Gendertalk will stop broadcasting.
And now it is time to say goodbye to all of you.

I hope I have been able to help some people with my columns.
To give out information.
To provide some consolance.
To share my experiences.
To make a few jokes.
To sometimes state a political point of view.

Over the years I have received quite a lot of reactions, that have shown me people appreciated my contributions. I would like to thank all off you for your warm words in these emails.

Nancy has asked me for a concluding installment.
It is just like the end of one of her interviews, where she used to say: "Well, we are down to a few minutes now...
Is there anything we have missed, anything you want to say before you go?
"

A difficult question indeed.
I can remember Nancy asked me that question once when she interviewed
Julia and me online. And all I could think of at the time was to thank them for making Gendertalk and making all this information available worldwide.

I think this time the answer should be the same: This is the perfect time to thank all of you for the wonderful work you have done over the past 12 years.
Thank you Nancy and Gordene!

Gendertalk has been a wonderful resource for me over the years and it has certainly played a part in my own coming out and my transition to living as a woman.

I also want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to actually take part in this and become part of my favorite radio show myself. I think many people are dreaming about a chance like this. Well, I was! I was dreaming of making a radio show myself and that dream has come true.

For Gendertalk, this was Evelien Snel from the Netherlands.
I hope, one day, we'll meet again!


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