Diary

I have to admit I am very lucky indeed. I live in a tolerant country. I am relatively rich. I live in a time where gender dysphoria is beginning to become accepted. I managed to start living as a woman without losing my job, my family, my home or my loved one. I have a health insurance that will pay for my sex change operation. In short: You can say I'm an 'Up Town Girl'! Count your blessings, Little Evelien!

In recent Gendertalk programs we have heard a lot about people who were not so lucky. In program number 495 Nancy made the very just remark that the difference between rich and poor classes is a struggle that may be even more fundamental than the struggle around gender. In program number 499 we heard a lot about homeless people and about homeless transgender folks in particular.

Listening to that program made me feel a bit like a spoiled child. Renting a studio here, turning down a great job offer there, while other people do not have such opportunities at all. I am glad there wasn't one of my columns in that program about the homeless, because that would have been very harsh.

Anyway, it has not made me decide to quit these columns altogether. I think there are issues every transgender person will meet in his or her life and it is always a good thing to exchange thoughts, experiences and feelings about those.

The more I explored my transgender feelings, the more it became clear to me that I wanted to live full-time as a woman. But living together with my spouse made transitioning difficult. Our relationship was in serious jeopardy! After living a few months by myself and after my Boston adventure I was living with Julia again and that became more and more difficult for the both of us. We were getting in each other's way and if nothing was done about this, we would probably end up in a divorce.

So we needed to live our lives separately, at least for a while. I needed to move out. This is one of those situations that is causing homelessness amongst transsexual people, but for an 'Up Town Girl' like me, the solution was to buy a house for myself. (There you have it again, most people don't have that option!) I couldn't afford anything fancy, I had to settle for a real 'Back Street House'. It was not in the best of neighborhoods, it was in a poor shape of maintenance and in the back yard garbage was stacked up three feet high. It would require an awful lot of hard labor to make it into an acceptable place to live in, but it was a house and it was mine!

Finally the stage was set. I had created the environment where my transition could take place. All I needed now was the courage to really make this happen. I will tell you more about that in my future columns.


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