Diary

If you start living full-time in the opposite gender role, you go around every day trying to look like a girl although you have a male body. The more clothing you wear the easier that is. But you will run into problems with activities where you don't wear so much clothing, such as swimming.

In the three years since my transition I had only swum one time. That was in a swimming pool in Italy. Julia so much wanted to go for a swim, I couldn't refuse that. But I didn't feel ready for it. I hadn't started with my hormone treatment yet, so my body was still completely male, but I had to go dressed as a girl. With falsies in my bikini top and with an unnatural bulging in my panty. I didn't feel really at ease there, but afterwards it was a good feeling to know I had conquered my fear and done Julia a favor.

But it gets even more complicated. In the past Julia and I always went to naturist beaches. Yes, that's right: Skinny dipping! We always loved the atmosphere at naturist beaches: people are very friendly and they care about the environment. You won't find empty cans and bottles or cigarette buds on a naturist beach. These people clean up their mess when they leave.
Of course on a naturist beach transvestism is impossible. Without any clothes you cannot pretend to be anything but yourself. So I hadn't been there since my transition. It was impossible for me to go anywhere if I would have to look like a guy. But things have changed. Now that I am on hormones, my body is changing. I don't look like a man anymore, I look like a... SheMale!
Of course a SheMale is a rather unusual kind of person, but I had decided I wanted to go to the naturist beach again as soon as I didn't look like a man any more. So last week I took the big step and went to the beach for the first time in three years. I have to admit I was a bit scared to do that. But I am not sorry I did. It is so relaxing to let go of all pretending and make-believe. I was just me, nothing more, nothing less!
Of course people have looked at me. There is nothing wrong with that! Everybody looks at everybody else. Some people will have thought: "Hey, HE has breasts!" and others thought: "Hey SHE has a penis!" And they were right! So what!

When I got the idea to do my column about this subject I hesitated at first. In one of my previous columns I also touched another taboo and some people were confused by that. And I know nudity is much more taboo in the USA than it is in the Netherlands. So I did a little research on the internet to find out whether naturism would be acceptable in my column. The first hit I got on Google was a page with a picture of a nude couple on the beach at Cape Codd, so that was a good sign. And soon I found the pages of "The Naturist Society" at http://www.naturistsociety.com/.
They have a slogan that exactly expresses my feelings about my outing to the beach:

"Body Acceptance is the Idea, Nude Recreation is the Way"


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